Privacy Policy ⋆ Rochelle Phillips

All right, here we go…

First, I would like to give profound thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders, and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.

If swearing bothers you I’m terribly sorry but what can I say? Legal bullshit is well, legal bullshit and a necessary evil.

tl;dr

I’m a tiny, overstretched author and I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that I’m not evil – I’m as corruptible as anyone – I’m just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity. Plus, I’m terribly busy coming up with diabolical ways to torture my characters. Mwahahaha.

I collect and store the info I need to provide you with the service (books) I hope you will buy from me. (Please buy my books.) Oh, I’ll occasionally stalk you via Facebook adverts. That’s really it.

Cookies

Seriously, who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Me neither. Well then. Yes, I use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want my delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser–but don’t come crying to me when nothing does what it’s supposed to.

Stalkery Visitor Tracking

Look, I’m following you, ok? I use Google Analytics, and just like everyone else, I primarily stare at the real-time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people are looking at so I can write more of the stuff you like.

I also use AddThis which shows us what content people are sharing. This is because I like to brag about whose content is doing the best. You can’t block this because it’s not tracking you, it’s tracking our content.

None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that I’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All I see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with us by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing my stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE READING A BOOK. Hopefully, it’s one of my books.

Data Storage

DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal fuck-ton of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. I store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?

Here on this website! If you register with the site we will store your name and email address. If you buy something from me or enter a giveaway I will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number if you give it to me, and purchase history. Your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. I obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only one person has access to it. I only ever actually look at it when asked and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have. Currently, (as of Sept 4, 2019) there is nothing for sale on my website; but if in the future I decide to sell swag or books the policy is here. So anything referencing PayPal won’t apply until I actually have something to sell.

I’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing surprising or radical with your info. I will use your purchase history to target you with ads for stuff you might like. For e.g. if you buy writing retreats, we’ll occasionally ask you if you want to go on another writing retreat. If you’ve done one of our courses, I’ll occasionally ask you if you want to do another course. Does that make us EvilMegaCorp? Idk, it’s fairly standard, isn’t it?

MailerLite! If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on our site – newsletter, free course, paid course, membership, merch, anything – your name and email address also wangs its way over to MailerLite, which is the system we use to manage our newsletters and emails. They are GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button.

Bookfunnel! I plan to use in the future to deliver free and paid novellas and books. I’ll add their info when I create an account with them.

Your Payment Details

When I have stuff to sell and you buy that stuff, you will probably pay through PayPal. The only payment-based details I’ll hold on my site is how much you’ve spent and what you purchased. I have no bank or card details or nada here. PayPal is being totally weird about it but will have to be GDPR compliant or everyone in Europe will have to stop using it and probably they don’t want that. (I haven’t set up PayPal since I don’t have anything to sell on here yet. But sometime in the future…)

Email Marketing Thingies and Newsletters

If you sign up to my newsletter, I will send you a newsletter – generally, about once a month, but occasionally more if there is more interesting stuff to tell you, like for instance, a book release or cover reveal. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in MailerLite.

MailerLite automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link, I KNOW. If you open an email, I KNOW. If you ignore me reminding you that I’m still breathing and writing books, I KNOW.

The most important thing about this is I have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.

Your Right to be Deleted

FINE FUCK OFF THEN, I DON’T CARE. Actually, I do and I’ll probably cry but; if you want to go undercover, just drop me an email at info @rochellephillips.com and I’ll delete all the info I have on you from my systems while having a passive-aggressive huff about what I could have possibly done wrong.

This does not include PayPal. If you want to delete your PayPal account you have to do that yourself via PayPal. I cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset. And I do not want to fuck with the IRS.

Just so you know, though, you won’t be able to access freebies or other items. I’m not being a bitch, it’s because I need your email address so I know you’ve paid and that you’re allowed to access it. I’ll update and add info about Bookfunnel when I know it.

Social Media and all that crap

I use social media a lot, partly to promote me and my books but mostly as a vehicle for ogling buff yummy men, err I mean getting character inspiration, creative swearing, and political opinions. If you frequently comment on here, participate on my Facebook page and I become familiar with you, I might find you on Twitter and say hello and maybe even follow you back. You can ask me to be less friendly if you wish and I will, of course, respect your boundaries.

You are not required to follow my social media accounts but don’t expect me to temper myself on what I say and how I say it. First Amendment and all that y’all.

Got it? Read it? Done it? WELL FUCKING DONE YOU! Celebrate your achievement with a gold star.